Nistha Rayamajhi

Renu Shrestha, 32, was living quite happily in a rented flat with her husband but she carried bigger dreams of owning a house in the capital. Seven years ago, those very dreams lured her to migrate to Israel in search of better employment opportunities. Renu left behind her one year old daughter under her husband’s care.

During the initial years, Renu would frequently be in touch with her husband and also sent money home quite regularly. But over the years, the phone calls became less frequent. Rajib Shrestha, Renu’s husband suddenly didn’t hear from his wife for months at a stretch.

The once happy couple would now fight at the drop of a hat; the pettiest of all issues could spark an argument. The strain on their relationship was becoming evident. Recently, Renu filed for divorce. Rajib sometimes regrets letting his wife go abroad which he believes was the instigator of the eventual and inevitably downfall of their once strong relationship.

Foreign employment is one of the main reasons of rising divorce cases in Nepal. When couples aren’t together for lengths of time both or either one of the two seem to gradually move on with life; alone.

Changing Family Dynamics

With a large number of youth going abroad, Advocate at the Supreme Court, Dinesh Tripathi points out that there are many cases similar to Renu’s. He adds that the trend of going abroad in search of employment opportunities has led to rise in divorce cases and broken families as a result.

“There has been a lot of changes in the family and social structure in the Nepali community. The trend of going abroad has led to the single child concept which wasn’t the case some years back,” he says.

He explains that among many such cases that he has handled, the typical ones are when the husbands who are working abroad ask for a divorce after they get habituated with the foreign lifestyle. “But in some cases, it’s just the opposite as well when it is the wife who’s working abroad,” he adds.

Divorce cases don’t just entail separation of a couple, but it involves several complexities regarding issues such as dispute over ownership of the child and rights to property.

Tripathi informs that it is not unusual to see such cases on the rise not only in the capital but even in the rural areas these days. “Foreign employment can contribute in bringing remittance, but in the long run it has put an impact on the family, social system, traditional values, and has led to distrust among married couples as divorce which is often taken as the last resort is on the rise,” he says.

In most of the villages, there are fewer youth as compared to woman, children and the elderly. This has even brought about the empty nest syndrome, a feeling of grief and loneliness that parents feel when their children leave home.

Such is the case of 62 –year–old Narayan Sapkota from Sindupalchowk who has been living in the capital with his wife for the past eight years. His two daughters have been married off and their only son is working in Malaysia.

Narayan’s wife Sangita shares how her husband has been dealing with depression. At this age, living a retired life, he wishes to have his son by his side as a support system but against his wishes, his only son has been living away from the family. Narayan doesn’t talk much and once a socially active man, he now prefers to be left alone.

“He also wishes to see his son get married but it seems like that’s not appening any time soon as our son just postpones the issue whenever we bring it up,” she says with a heavy sigh.

Apart from these cases, the craze of going abroad for employment has also fueled many criminal activities. For instance, the Department of Labor (DoL) saw cases being filed on men faking engagements and taking money from the girl’s family in order to go abroad. Such cases have recently been on a rise.

“Many youth who’re going abroad don’t feel any accountability towards their country. Many are living abroad with the dream of getting a green card and they even go to the extent of staying illegally,” says Krishna Hari Pushkar, Director General of DoL.

He says that since 2010, thousands of young women, mostly undergraduate students have left for South Korea through paper marriages to Korean residents. “They mostly went in search of a good job but there are cases when they have ended up being victims of domestic violence and exploitation,” he says.

For many, labor migration has been pursued as a way of life rather than just limiting it as a means to battle financial hardships. Besides that, even the number of youth going abroad for further studies is growing in an unprecedented rate.

The many facades of migration

Pushkar mentions that one of the most common trends is that of students going abroad citing educational reasons and then opting to work and settle there. Family disintegration also stems from people choosing to lease their property to settle abroad. This has brought tremendous pressure on the family members who are left behind as they are sometimes left penniless. This comes as a serious blow to individuals and families who part with their family members to better their financial conditions.

Chiranjibi Nepal, senior economist and chief economical advisor at the Finance Ministry says that 0.02 percent population of skilled manpower, 75 percent of unskilled and 24.8 percent of semi skilled manpower are going abroad. “There is a high dependency on the remittance as well but it’s not healthy in the long run,” he says.

He explains that in Nepal, 57 percent of the population is currently active in various economic sectors which are also referred to as the population bonus. “But the active and productive population is going abroad and not staying back which is a huge loss for the country. When such productive manpower doesn’t stay back, barren land increases as well and there’s less economic productivity,” he says.

“This trend of population bonus will remain for the next thirty years and comes once in every 100 years and if we can’t grasp that opportunity; economic development makes a slow progress which is why it’s necessary to boost internal economy and make strong employment policies,” he adds.

While many families share a similar story to Narayan’s, sometimes the case is just the opposite as there are some whose parents put pressure on them to go abroad.

Sudarshan Karki, 28 who’s back after his graduation from the US, says that he never wanted to leave Nepal in the first place. “My parents sort of forced me to go abroad as many of my cousins and family friend’s children had done so. My father often told me that it might be looked upon as a sign of failure if I didn’t get a foreign degree and I didn’t want to disappoint my parents,” he admits.

Ganga Pathak, chief psychologist at National Institute of Pyschology at New Baneshwor, says that many parents push their children to go abroad as they take it as a status symbol. “But there have been situations when parents have not been able to pay off the loan they took to send their child abroad which leads to serious problems,” she says.

She further says that there are cases of students going abroad just because their respective boyfriends or girlfriends have left and not because they want to pursue their education. Some also opt to go abroad due to peer pressure.

Pathak’s statement is validated by Sanjeev Thapa’s case who decided to go to Dubai purely out of peer pressure. His friend arranged for work in a hotel and he toiled for around three years. He recently decided to come back. “I’ve saved some money but not as much as I thought I would. Since I discontinued my schooling, I don’t know how to begin now,” he says.

In some rare cases, parents also don’t want their kids to come back because they think that it might be interpreted as failure to do well in a land of opportunities by their friends and relatives.

The psychological perspective

Pathak has been dealing with a lot of cases of broken families and troubled youth. Migration of either husband or wife has led to a lot of divorce cases and in such situations; the single parent bears the sole responsibility of the child. “In that way, the child might grow to become more demanding and materialistic and may suffer from severe identity crisis,” she says.

She also has been dealing with a lot of cases of psychological problems faced by parents and those left behind. “There’re many who come here for counseling as divorce rate has increased. Apart from that, there’ve been a lot of cases of extra marital affairs as well,” she says.

Pathak says that when you look at it from the social and psychological perspective, there are many students who have come back depressed and there are even cases when they have become mentally unstable.

“Many are in a state of limbo, in denial and come with complaints of how they cannot concentrate on anything nor are able to live together with their parents. This is why students and parents need to be fully aware before they make the decision to migrate,” she suggests.

Migration for better education and employment opportunities is a prominent reality in today’s world including Nepal. Though the country’s economy is hugely dependent on the remittance and it does boost the economy to a large extent, it can also have a negative impact on family dynamics as the preference for individualistic lifestyle that comes with living abroad takes its toll on relationships and in a larger scale, the society we live in.

The overseas temptation

Sumira Pradhan, 22, is waiting for a response from colleges in the US that she had applied to. Consumed by anxiety over the results, Sumira mentions that she can’t wait to get out of Nepal as she sees no future in a country with so much political drama. Also, she doesn’t want to miss out on the opportunity of getting a foreign degree.

Due to political chaos, dearth of proper colleges, social pressure and fewer employment opportunities, many youth choose to go abroad and think of it as the only resort for education as well as foreign employment.

 “Personally, I want to go abroad because I feel, that way, I’ll get to learn more. Since we’re a third world country and we’ve much more potential to grow, I think we can learn a lot from the developed countries,” says 20-year-old Srilata Kunwar.

She also explains that though she is planning to go abroad, she would definitely want to come back to Nepal. “After all, it’s our home and it’s our responsibility to take care of this country and at least make it a better place for the coming generations,” she adds.

Studying abroad can bring a plethora of opportunities but going on a whim without proper planning and ideas can also invite a lot of unexpected troubles.

27-year-old Kabir Shakya recently came back after staying in Sydney, Australia for nine months. His plan was to get enrolled in an inexpensive college, get a diploma and then join a proper course.

“I wanted to study jewelry designing but that never happened because the course was too expensive and I wouldn’t be able to work as well. So, I had to continue studying in the first college that I enrolled in which was not so reputed,” he says.

Kabir went through a consultancy that fixed him up with the college that was run by a Nepali. “I got to know later that the consultancy gets commissions through such colleges,” he adds.

After facing some family problems, Kabir decided to come back to the capital. “A lot of students go abroad on a student visa but end up prioritizing work over studies. They’re lured by the prospect of being able to earn in dollars, I guess. I think this is a bad idea if you want to be able to do well in life in the future,” he says.

There are some youth who are career oriented and want to go abroad to better their chances of landing up a good job later on. Arjun Khadka, 20 wants to study Culinary Arts and since Nepal doesn’t have any good institution offering the subject, he wants to go abroad to pursue his dreams.

“We still have a long way to go when it comes to offering a wide variety of subjects which is why there’s no option than going abroad. I don’t want to limit my passion just because there aren’t many opportunities here,” says Arjun.

While, on one hand, there are students who want to go abroad for educational purposes, there are some who choose to leave in search of better jobs opportunities.

25-year-old Sirish Magar had been working as a house help for the past two years in the capital. He then got the opportunity to work in a hotel in Dubai. “I’m really ecstatic about the fact that I’m finally getting to go abroad. Now, I can earn more and take proper care of my family.”

Sirish says that for young people like him, who don’t have a strong educational background, an opportunity like this shouldn’t be taken lightly. Some people have been able to take better care of their families because of foreign employment.

35-year-old Sampurna Pathak, originally from Sindupalchowk, was working as a house help in the capital before going to Dubai to work in a hotel. Working day and night, he saved enough to return home after seven years. He now owns a house and a plot in the capital and is happily married.

Prospects of better education, career and living standards are some reasons why many youths opt to go abroad. Some blame the political chaos and lack of opportunities for their decision to leave the country; it’s almost as if they’ve been forced to.

The sad fact is that many, who go abroad, don’t come back thus depriving the country of educated and skilled manpower as well as leaving a void in the society.

Published on: 31 May 2013 | Republica