When a young man packs his bags and gets on a plane to a distant destination in search of better opportunities and financial stability for himself and his loved ones, too often, the situation of those he has left behind is forgotten. 

In focusing only on the impact of remittance on national and local economies and the loans and burdens faced by the migrant himself, the repercussions of his migration on the society which he has left behind is easily overlooked. However, new research reveals that when men migrate abroad in search of labour, their wives, in particular, are left in an extremely vulnerable situation.  In the absence of their husbands, some 24 percent of the women who are left behind face different forms of abuse at home and in society. And this isn’t surprising, either. Nepali society continues to be plagued by deep-rooted patriarchy and social stigmas, which, in the absence of the ‘man of the house,’ are further entrenched. Superstition and suspicion have cost us dear, somketimes coming at a fatal price.

Young married men leave behind their young wives in familial and societal situations that are less than friendly to their buhari kin. Traditional beliefs, stigmas and suspicion surrounding the value, integrity and worth of the daughter-in-law continue to be cause for their abysmal treatment. Take the case of 28-year-old Sunita Giri for example. She was accused of having an extra-marital affair with a relative and subsequently kicked out of her house with her five year-old son. The husband has been working in Saudi Arabia for the past five years. Examining this case alone, two worrying trends are apparent: first, that in the absence of the husband, the woman is naturally suspected to be engaged in frivolous activity. This is likely the result of the negative image women continue to carry in the eyes of in-law families mashed with the social stigmas surrounding sex.

The second worrying trend is the way in which, extra-marital affairs, usually referred to as “illicit” affairs, are seen in a blanket dirty, and disgustful way. In a scenario where the husband is nowhere in sight, and even assuming that he is a good, loving husband, the feelings of the young woman, left alone in a hostile environment, are never considered before passing judgment on her actions, even in the case that the suspicions are true. Marriage may be a legally and socially-binding contract, but when its cons outweigh its pros; when one’s spouses are a million miles away and one is left to fend for themselves in a society that doesn’t encourage the empowerment of women, extra-marital affairs come as no surprise. However, superstition and stigma see no logic and these two words still dominate kinship ties in many communities in the country. Migrant worker’s wives thus continue to face violence and abuse in all forms. But the best remedy for these ills is still education, education, education.  

Published on: 30 November 2011 | The Kathmandu Post